Understanding the Emotion of Anger
A little quick review about feeling and emotions.
Feelings and emotions are not the same thing. Secondly, feelings proceed and are actually the spark for your emotions.
There are 4 principle emotions and they are expressions of a desire
The Four Principle Emotions and the desires are:
Fear-the desire to run
Anger-the desire to fight
Melancholy-the desire to change
Joy- the desire to live.
A look at the emotion of Anger…
Anger being the desire to fight can be very destructive.
You’ve probably witnessed the damage anger has caused in your life and the lives of others.
That is why it is imperative to understand the emotion of anger.
Often the feeling that ignites anger is powerlessness.
This feeling of powerlessness can appear as frustration, indignation, injustice, self-importance and victimization.
Certainly no one enjoys or wants to feel powerless.
And it’s anger that is used to battle the feeling of powerlessness.
Remember there is nothing wrong with feeling anger. It’s when it becomes reactive, out of balance that it becomes a destructive force.
When you become aware of the feeling or the emotion of anger…simply pause and ask yourself a few questions:
• Who or what am I fighting for?
• Who or what I am fighting against?
• Am I feeling powerless… now or perhaps somewhere in my life?
Using the power of your intention, pausing, and asking yourself a few questions, brings clarity…
And, with new clarity, you’ll find all the power you need from your true self to move forward without helplessness and the destruction of anger.
Let me share a small example of something I experienced recently…
I have been frustrated with the road construction in my area. It has been causing numerous detours and traffic delays.
As I was sitting in traffic, my internal dialogue began something like this:
“I’m going to be late” (feeling powerless)
“Why is all the construction, always on the streets I drive on” (victimization)
“Really people –pay attention, it’s a green light” (indignation)
“OMG, there has to be a more efficient way! Why can’t they finish one section completely before they start another one!” (self-importance)
As I sat in traffic, bemoaning the slowness, my angst and anger grew.
I had the desire to fight, but ” fight what?”
I paused, great time to do this, since there’s nothing else to do while sitting there in traffic. I asked myself the question— “What am I fighting?”…The men who do the roadwork? The DOT?
In the moment after I asked that question, I had to laugh at myself!
I definitely didn’t want to fight either of those options! And, to be honest, I’m the first to grumble about rough roads and potholes 🙂
One thing I was fighting was my personal quirk…I hate to be late!
Here’s all the things that came to mind:
• I can choose how I perceive this situation. For example, being a few minutes late is not the big deal my ego was making it out to be.
• I can choose to perceive it as an opportunity to slow down and not rush from one place to another.
• I can choose to expand my awareness, become fully present and observe the world around me. (A much more pleasant way to sit in traffic)
My power and control came in knowing that I have a choice on how to perceive the experience…
And that perception changes the experience from frustration to opportunity.
From struggle to ease and grace.
I also contemplated why I was drawing this experience to myself.
It was an opportunity to learn and grown from the experience.
In my case, I learned to let go of attachments and beliefs about being late and about time itself.
That lesson is serving me well in all areas of my life and the added bonus…driving in town without frustration and anger is much more pleasant indeed.
While being frustrated with anger about traffic is a very small issue, in light of what is happening in our world today. However the same process of having balanced emotions and understanding our feelings work regardless of the issue..big or small.
Let your feelings be your guidance system. When the feeling sparks the emotion of anger…pause and allow it to guide you to clarity, solutions and personal power.
NOTE: Please know that this information is not a substitute for mental or emotional health care.
If you are dealing with depression, deep grief, or anger, please enlist the help of a grief counselor, therapist or doctor.
Remember you don’t have to go it alone. We all need to reach out for help from time to time. Having a professional can help you move through what you’re experiencing more easily
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